October 2025
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Wexford Training Newsletter
Finding Balance from the Inside Out
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Dear Friends,
This newsletter is sort of a repeat of information, but I can’t help thinking that learning to self-regulate right now is very helpful. I know I am putting these ideas into practice on a daily basis, especially after checking the news. I hope this information is helpful to you too.
Enjoy!
Kirsten
kirsten.wexford@gmail.com
P.S.
As a subscriber, please feel free to share this or any of my newsletters with other horse lovers! If you have not signed up yet, just click the link to get on the mailing list: https://kirstennelsen.com/#newsletter
"Keep Calm and Carry On”
- UK Government 1939
Self-Regulating
Although it doesn’t always feel like it, we do have a choice regarding what we think about and how we feel. Learning to self-regulate the use of our nervous system is a way to cope with challenges, keep our wits and avoid many of the health issues or safety issues that stress can cause.
The details of how the nervous system regulates the mind and body is complicated. But all the complex functions of the nervous system spit out a simple result that is related to how we perceive anything, anyone or any situation. When we perceive anything as unsafe, unstable or uncomfortable the nervous system rearranges the use of the entire body for short term survival. The simple result is called a stress response. When we perceive anything as safe, stable and comfortable the nervous system rearranges the use of the entire body for long term survival. The simple result is called a relaxation response. It's an either-or situation.
There is a cascade of events related to all unconscious bodily functions, including hormone releases that affect emotions. Thoughts and emotions are the the cumulative effect of nervous system functions, and they also trigger both stress and relaxation responses in the nervous system through our imagination or past experiences. Paying attention to our thoughts and emotions helps us help ourselves, we have a choice once we recognize which response we are already in.
Thoughts and emotions related to a stress response do not feel good because of all the stress hormones released into the body. We feel tense, anxious, apprehensive, upset, frozen, numb or dull. We act defensively, instinctively and protectively.
Thoughts and emotions related to a relaxation response feel pretty good because of all the pleasure hormones released into the body. We feel calm, capable, appreciative, peaceful, content, open or delighted. We act respectfully, selectively and cooperatively.
There are three simple steps for self-regulating which response is running the show internally, in any situation. As humans, we have the capacity to self-regulate but it takes some practice, and the world provides many opportunities to practice!
Step 1 - Assess Thoughts and Emotions
Our response to anything has less to do with what is happening outside and more to do with our perceptions, how we take things, or how we feel and what we think on the inside. What triggers a stress response for one person can trigger a relaxation response in someone else. So we first assess if what we are focused on, paying attention to or thinking about feels pretty bad or pretty good. If it feels pretty bad we are in a stress response. If we feel pretty good, or even just ok, like we can handle the situation, then we are in a relaxation response.
This does not mean the world does what we want or that we always have to feel good. Transitioning our nervous system from a stress into a relaxation response is just for us. A relaxation response helps us respond instead of react, supports our long term health and broadens our perspective, allowing more choice and more time enjoying the life we have.
Step 2 - Redirect Attention
Once we recognize that we are in a stress response, we begin transitioning our nervous system use by changing what we are giving our attention to. We purposely choose to mentally focus on something non-stressful, even if just for a few moments. When our mind wanders back to the stress trigger, which it will many times, we gently redirect our attention again and again, turning our focus back to something that helps us feel better, less stressed.
It is helpful to keep a simple memory on hand. I once had a butterfly smack me on my forehead. It was startling and soft at the same time, delightful. I keep that memory in my back pocket and use it to quickly interrupt a stress response. I think about that butterfly first and until my mind can reach for something better. We can use a quick thought to interrupt then search for more thoughts, other things we can focus on that don’t trigger stress. The cornerstone of social media are cat videos, because they put our attention on something that feels pretty good.
We will find our attention wanders quickly because our emotional state does not change quickly. We have to redirect our attention over and over until we begin to feel stress subsiding and calmness increasing, until calmness or feeling pretty good becomes our emotional state.
Step 3 - Wait For Calmness
Thoughts are electrical, they change fast. Emotions are a chemical process that affect the body on cellular level, outside of the the nervous system. Emotions change slowly. What this means is that feeling relief from stress, restoring pleasant feelings, takes a minute and all we can do is wait.
When we first redirect attention our emotions don’t change. We have to keep redirecting attention until we begin to authentically feel calmer, better somehow. Each time our attention goes back to a stress trigger, stress hormones are refreshed, locking us into uncomfortable emotional states. Each time our attention goes to something that seems safer, more stable or more comfortable, the release of stress hormones ceases. Stopping the release of stress hormones is the first part, then we have to keep redirecting attention until pleasure hormones start to flow.
We know how we really feel, so waiting for the calmness that will come is just a matter of time and a matter of where we focus our attention.
We can do all three of these steps privately and silently, inside our own body, at anytime and anywhere. If we are struggling to change our mental focus or stop the production of stress hormones, then movement helps a lot. It does not matter if we go for walk, do housework or start doing something physical on our todo list, any type of movement helps release stress from the body faster, helps restore a relaxation response sooner than later.
After five years of concentrated work I am finally pulling my book together. I am at the final stages and preparing to submit it to publishers. My backup plan is to self-publish, so it will be available soon, but I am hoping to find help because marketing is not my strongest skill. The book is all about balancing the mind and body, for people and horses, and steam lines all the information that has been trapped in my head into three core concepts that can be applied in everyday situations.
Meanwhile… I am just trying to keep up with the Wexford Student Group, on-line lessons, in person work and all the free content I put out regularly. So your support by being on my mailing list, or on Facebook, Youtube, podcast platforms or my new Subtack account is very much appreciated!
If you have not done so yet, please subscribe to my YouTube channel. It helps move the videos around the internet ethers, sharing this information with other horse owners. If you like the info you find, then subscribing, commenting and giving a thumbs up, are ways you can help and it doesn’t cost a thing.
I also wanted to repeat that there is one more weekend for the The Art of the Horseman Online Horse Fair this year. I will keep including the free ticket link for you to use and share. Although you are getting my video submissions directly when signing up for the newsletter, there are many other presenters that you might find interesting. The last date is...
December 6 - 7
FREE TICKETS: https://www.becauseofthehorse.net/a/23333/a2zsSgDH
Please feel free to share this link as much as you like!
To join a scheduled clinic, please contact the coordinator directly. To book a clinic, please contact me directly at kirsten.wexford@gmail.com
To find an area coordinator near you and help organize a clinic, please see my list of area coordinators https://kirstennelsen.com/clinic-coordinators/
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Baltimore, Maryland
October 18-19
November 8-9
Coordinator: Ginny 443-250-8017 or hqueen13@gmail.com
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