June 2026

Wexford Training Newsletter Finding Balance from the Inside Out

Dear Friends,

I keep forgetting to mention that my new book, Optimal Balance Essentials, is finally available for sale. You can find the link to the book under the Did You Know section of this newsletter. It took me a long time to pull together the core concepts that I teach into a no-fluff, reasonable short book. This book is the text book I have tried writing for years but wrote the companion workbooks first instead. It was a lot of information to get out of my head and into something understandable. Hope you enjoy it!

Kirsten
​kirsten.wexford@gmail.com

P.S.
​As a subscriber, please feel free to share this or any of my newsletters with other horse lovers! If you have not signed up yet, just click the link below to get on the mailing list and receive the FREE four part video series about Training for Optimal Balance.

​https://kirstenwexfordtraining.mvsite.app/products/courses/view/1048890​

Thoughts to Ponder

“Have a heart that never hardens, and a temper that never tires,
and a touch that never hurts.”
- Charles Dickens

Energy is Always Coupled with Actions

What horses are thinking and feeling is honestly expressed through their energy and body language all the time. We only need to pay attention, deepen our observational skills, and learn to look past the behavior in order to understand how a horse is feeling or what a horse might be thinking that is driving any choice of action. What a horse chooses to do or not do, coupled with specific energy and body language, is how a horse is trying to communicate with us. Horse behavior is simply a form of communication and is not inherently good or bad, right or wrong.

We can think of behaviors like a deck of cards. Every horse comes with a full deck and the potential for any behavior is always present, even if our horse has never chosen that behavior in the past. Behaviors are just the cards being played. The energy and body language that is coupled with the behavior is what provides meaning, just like the same card can have different meanings depending on the card game being played.

Any specific action can have a variety of meanings, just like the same word can mean different things depending on the tone of voice, expressions, emphasis and context that accompany the word. While we might not understand exactly what our horse is communicating at first, we need to keep looking deeper, past the action, past the behaviors and into the feelings, the mental focus, the body language, overall posture or energy that are part of the actions in order to understand what a horse is trying to tell us.

An example of an action, or a card being played, could be “not moving forward.” Our horse might resist moving forward or even move backward when we pull on the lead rope or give a leg aid.

Resisting forward motion coupled with intense or high energy, muscular tension, tight ears and a shortening neck expresses defensiveness. The horse does not feel safe or stable or comfortable internally, for whatever reason.

The very same resistance to moving forward coupled with calm energy, muscular suppleness, soft ears and even the neck lengthening expresses a simple error and just needs a minute. It could be the horse is seeking feelings of safety, stability or comfort and needs to slow down in order to find them.

Even if the horse repeats the same action, stopping frequently, the meaning behind it means the response we make is either appropriate or inappropriate for that horse, in that moment, in that situation.

Thoughts and feelings associated with dominance of the sympathetic nervous system trigger a stress hormone release, increasing energy levels and causing physical changes in body language that we can observe. Rapid breathing, tightening muscles, heightened awareness to external stimuli, tight lips, tight ears and eyes widening or narrowing all tell us that a horse feels defensive, feels unsafe, unstable or uncomfortable about something.

Thoughts and feelings associated with dominance of the parasympathetic nervous system trigger a pleasure hormone release, calming or steadying energy levels and also changing body language. Breathing slows and deepens, external stimuli is mostly ignored, muscles relax, eyes and ears are soft, lips droop and our horse may blow softly or lick and chew with the mouth. These changes tell us that our horse feels safe, stable and comfortable internally, so the behavior, error or resistance, is either a learning challenge or is related to physical coordination, unable to easily do what we ask.

When our horse’s energy is calm, when our horse’s attention is on us, then we know our horse at least feels safe internally. If our horse is in The Learning Frame of Mind, but still doing or not doing what we want, then our horse might not understand, might not be good at the task or might have physical coordination issues that make it difficult to do what we ask. Once we learn to recognize the difference between defensive energy versus calm but struggling to learn energy, then we can actually offer appropriate guidance and timing.

A horse that is in The Learning Frame of Mind will still make a lot of mistakes. So will we. Feeling safe is just the first requirement, so that learning new skills is easier and faster. When challenges are appropriate for a horse the struggle will not cause defensiveness, an escalation of tension or anxiety. When a horse does express defensiveness, then we are asking too much, even if we don’t understand at first.

Recognizing the difference between expressions of defensiveness and expressions of confusion or physical struggle help us understand what any behavior really means.
​

Did You Know? Optimal Balance Essentials

Finally, the book Optimal Balance Essentials is available for sale. This is a textbook of sorts with a comprehensive overview of the core concepts that I teach. It is not a huge book but it is an intense one that may require a bit of re-reading. The book is only available on my website as a downloadable PDF file. You can read it on screen or print it out if you still love paper like I do.

You can find the book here

​https://kirstenwexfordtraining.mvsite.app/products/courses/view/1192949​

kirstenwexfordtraining.mvsite.app

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Upcoming Events Contact Me

To join a scheduled clinic, please contact the coordinator directly. To book a clinic, please contact me directly at kirsten.wexford@gmail.com

Lake Wales, Florida June 13 Coordinator: Nancy 863-528-2570 or nslater0305@gmail.com

Culpepper, Virginia June 26 Coordinator: Deb 540-718-4083 or atmydreamnow@gmail.com​

Baltimore, Maryland June 27-28 August 15-16 October 17-18 Coordinator: Ginny 443-250-8017 or hqueen13@gmail.com

Vero Beach, Florida July 11 Coordinator: Spring 772-538-5208 or springrides@gmail.com

Accidental Therapy The Side Effect of Loving Horses Email Feedback or Stories

“Remember that not getting what you want
is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.”

- Dalai Lama

​
My first experience with horse ownership felt like a complete fail. I was statistically typical, selling my horse and walking away within five years of horse ownership. Apparently that is the norm. Despite my enthusiasm and all the “years of horse experience” I had under my belt, my failure with Phineas caused me to stop riding altogether and leave my horsey days behind.

I tried several times to get help resolving the bucking and bolting that had become part of our normal riding routine. I was told the exact same things by the three different trainers that lived within riding distance for lessons. They either said, “you’re a very good rider dear, what you need is a different horse” or “you should send that horse to a cowboy.” Neither option ever sat well with me. I loved my horse, despite our problems, and I wanted things to work with Phineas. Besides, I did not have the resources to buy an expensive horse like my friends who were winning ribbons. Sending Phineas to a cowboy scared me. I had seen those horses trained by cowboys and they looked dead in the eyes to me and dull. I liked my horse’s spunk and spirit, just not the out of control part.

I sought help because I was finally getting frustrated and scared. Instead of help I just got advice that I did not like or want. I kept going on my own but could not seem to move past our bucking and bolting issues that happened at predictable times. Things were OK otherwise and manageable, but the problems were starting to make riding a lot less fun.

Getting to the arena was somewhat of a challenge, with lots of stopping or spooking on the way. Getting home was the predictable problem. Riding home always involved an uncontrollable bolt through the neighborhood or the threat of one if I could manage to hold him back. It never occurred to me to hand walk him to or from our riding area or to do any type of groundwork at all, and no one ever suggested those things to me. The tack store helped me pick a double hard twisted wire bit, some serious leverage for stopping my horse, but that did not work. Phineas could bolt right through that bit no matter how hard I pulled. Someone else suggested that I bend my horse’s head and neck around with one rein. That only resulted in Phineas bolting home anyways but now with his nose on my foot, which felt even worse. It wasn’t until many years later that I learned racing Thoroughbreds are trained to go faster when you pull back on both reins, not slower. Now that would have been helpful to know.

After our arena ride I would head out to the adjacent cross country field for the low jumps. I kept repeating our routine of flat work then jumping liked I had learned from years of lessons, hoping that with enough rides we would finally both relax and get good at it. My understanding of horse training was just sticking with a routine, soaking the saddle pad enough times, until the horse finally got it and relaxed. We never got it. Instead it just became a normal part of our ride that Phineas bucked hard on the first jump with his hind hooves never hitting the ground on the landing side. He was a talented bucker, with a twist thrown in and I fell off pretty much every time. The more I anticipated the buck on that first jump, the tighter I got trying to stay on. My braced body just got launched higher, to the point that I finally mastered landing on my feet most of the time.

I knew in my heart the Phineas was a good horse because he always waited for me, standing quietly after I got bucked off. He could have easily bolted home without me but instead he waited even if I did’t have hold of the reins. I would pick myself up, get back on and we would continue jumping. It was only on that first jump he would buck. I kept hoping that if we could do jumps without bucking then eventually he would stop bucking on the first one. He never did, at least not with me.

Even though I was miraculously never hurt from the bolting or bucking, it started sucking the fun out of riding and for the first time I started to feel a little afraid. I wasn’t really aware of the fear build up, I just rode less and less. I found more excuses, why not to go for a ride, or even spend time with my horse. I started to lose interest. I felt sorry for myself and looked at my horsey friends with both envy and distain. I told myself that anybody can ride an easy, expensive horse, one without problems, so maybe riding isn’t even a sport at all. I found other things to do while Phineas stayed in the pasture with his buddies for longer and longer periods of time.

My dad must have noticed how little I was riding because he asked me if a coworker of his could ride Phineas. Melissa showed up and I handed Phineas over, saying only that he can be pretty strong. Her reply when she got back from her first ride to and from our normal riding area was, “This horse tried every trick in the book but I think he has a lot of potential.” I was so happy. Finally a rider who could handle what I knew Phineas would throw at her and still say he is a good horse. She had my permission to ride him as much as she wanted and I stopped riding him entirely. I was secretly hoping she would eventually hand me back a horse that was more fun to ride with fewer problems. Instead Melissa eventually asked if she could buy Phineas and I agreed, knowing in my heart he would be better off with her than me. Years later I felt vindicated believing in my horse because Melissa and Phineas went on to compete in jumping very successfully, winning lots of ribbons! It was still a hard lesson to realize I was the one lacking the skills.

Phineas helped me look at myself through lessons in humility. He showed me that horses are not really under our control if they don’t want to be. In painfully obvious ways Phineas helped me understand that horses will cooperate sometimes, can be kind, good horses, and still give us a lot of trouble at the same time. I understood for the first time that I needed to be less demanding, less sure of myself and more like Melissa. Melissa could somehow remain calm while dealing with my horse’s antics and mysteriously knew how to resolve problems, bringing out the potential I knew my horse had. I knew it was possible now, just not for me, and I gave up even trying to learn.

It would be five years before I rode a horse again, drawn back to horses without even seeking them. It would be six or seven years before I stumbled across a trainer who lit a fire in my soul again, rekindling my love of riding and sparking my ambition to learn as much as I could about horses this time.

Had it not been for my failures with Phineas I never would have recognized the amazing training skills of John Strong when I saw them. It was only because I had the problems I had with Phineas, problems that persisted despite all my attempts at resolving them, that I could clearly see the solutions to them when they appeared. When I saw John working with horses I instantly knew it was the type of help I had sought for Phineas long ago but could not find at the time. Not getting what I wanted with Phineas became a blessing in hindsight because it changed how I thought about training horses entirely. The lessons in humility opened me up to new information and helped me recognize training solutions that otherwise I might not have paid attention to at all.

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