May 2026
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Wexford Training Newsletter
Finding Balance from the Inside Out
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Dear Friends,
I may be writing too much these days about stress and The Learning Frame of Mind concept I teach, but it just seems like an important topic right now. I try to find different ways to explain this concept because I use it myself all the time. The reason I share this information is to help empower you and your horse in the midst of a world that tells us we have no power. Taking control over how we feel, despite the chaos of any situation, is an act of freedom and an act of resistance to the constant stress triggers offered by media and advertising. While we can’t make the world, or horses, bend to our will, we can develop self awareness and use strategies that set us free to enjoy the life and horse that we have right now.
Kirsten
kirsten.wexford@gmail.com
P.S.
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https://kirstenwexfordtraining.mvsite.app/products/courses/view/1048890
“Don’t wait. The time will never be just right”
- Napoleon Hill
What If We Could Feel Better Right Now, Despite Circumstances?
Choosing to feel better right now does not mean we have to live in a fantasy or even disconnect from suffering. We can manage our own emotional state by choosing what we focus on and exploring our own perceptions, which in turn helps us navigate our lives in ways that directly benefit us and those around us.
The Learning Frame of Mind concept is exactly about altering perceptions and allowing the body time to regulate nervous system function - in all situations. We can actively guide the nervous system from dominance of the sympathetic, fight or flight, called a stress response into dominance of the parasympathetic, rest or digest, called a relaxation response. How we do that begins with where we focus attention or awareness.
Why is this important? Stress responses are tied to short term survival. During a stress response we and horses react, defend, protect, struggle and cannot see all the options right in front of us. Relaxation responses are tied to long term survival. During a relaxation response we and horses respond, cooperate, explore, help and begin to see solutions to problems. The two functional responses of the nervous system, in people and horses, affect the body and mind globally, meaning everything changes all at once. Stress responses deplete energy, strength and health. Relaxation responses restore energy, strength and health. Stress responses trigger instinctual use of the brain. Relaxation responses allow conscious processing in the brain. Stress hormones don’t feel so great, but we can normalize or even become addicted to those feelings of stress. Pleasure hormones feel good, we relax and enjoy what we are doing even if it requires high energy.
While there are many new, specialized ways to work with the somatic portion of the nervous system or the vagal nerve, the use of the nervous system at large still boils down to the perception of survival needs, short or long term. We actually have a choice regarding where we shine our attention and awareness or how we help horses focus mental attention. Becoming aware of the mental focus, that is triggering a stress or relaxation response, is the first step to self-regulation of nervous system functions.
There is zero predictability as to how any given person or horse responds to anything, any stimulus that the world throws at us. Our perception of anything is what triggers the nervous system into short or long term survival mode. What triggers a stress response in a person can be very different than what triggers a stress response in a horse, but the experience and side effects of the stress response are exactly the same.
The way we begin to take control over how we feel, which affects how we contribute to the world, is by recognizing the signs of both stress and relaxation responses. We have to recognize how our body feels, how it is responding much more than just what we think. Our brain can tell us things are normal while our body is stuck in survival mode.
We recognize a stress response when our energy is anything but calm. Feeling angry, frustrated, scared, anxious, dull or depressed are all chemical changes in our body triggered by a stress response. Actions like placating, freezing, shutting down, distraction, over reacting or retaliation are all driven by the nervous system seeking short term survival. Even the need to control other people or have control over our horse indicates a stress response. If we pause long enough and place our awareness on how we feel inside, we can easily recognize when we are in a stress response, or not calm, even if it feels normal.
There are many techniques for transmuting a stress response into a relaxation response, and some can be quite complicated or time consuming. But shifting the use of our nervous system can also be incredibly simple and something we can do anytime and any place. We can alter how we feel by consciously redirecting our attention.
Redirecting what we give our attention to begins a process of change throughout our nervous system. Sometimes the best we can do during a stress response is simply interrupt thoughts or mental focus, get our mind off the stress trigger. For example, I once had a butterfly smack me in the forehead while I was sitting outside working on my laptop. It was shocking but soft. I use this experience to interrupt a negative spiral into a stress response. I can also imagine 100 butterflies swarming around me when I need to just get my mind off of something because I am losing calmness. We find something to focus on that is NOT THAT and begins to help us calm down a little.
If we can get our attention away from the stress trigger, even with repeated interruptions, then we can begin to hold our attention on something that feels less stressful or better in some way. I find it easiest to pause and take a breath first, then reach for gratitude as a way of shifting my nervous system. Short term survival triggers us to focus on what is wrong. Long term survival triggers appreciation for what is right. Looking for anything that I can genuinely feel grateful for, in any given situation, is a strategy for accessing my parasympathetic nervous system on demand.
This shift feels like a stretch. It is simple enough to understand but not so easy to do. There are times where I am just grateful I don’t have to call the vet today, or grateful for the weather changing or that I have the vitality to do what I am doing. In other words, it can be a mental strain to find something in the heat of the moment that begins to restore internal calmness, even a little. But it is possible and becomes easier with practice.
Once I find something to focus my awareness on that stops the stress escalating, then it becomes a waiting game. It takes time for the nervous system to shift and it often happens in cycles instead of feeling like a flip of the switch. We feel the emotional energy rise and fall many times, reducing intensity with each cycle but not subsiding entirely right away.
Once stress hormones are released into the body it takes at least 90 seconds for them to dissipate and be replaced with pleasure hormones. This is what we are waiting for. If our mind wanders back to the stress trigger, then there is a fresh release of stress hormones, we cycle out of calmness again, have to redirect our attention again and wait a little longer for the tide to go back out, for the next cycle of calmer or calmness.
We all have the capacity to redirect thoughts and shift our nervous system function. The benefits of doing so are many, from clearer thoughts to a healthier body. When I say this is an anywhere, anytime, any place simple way to regulate our nervous system I mean it.
“Man’s Search for Meaning” a book by Victor Frankle is an extreme example of finding inner freedom by using choice regarding how we perceive and cope with stressful situations. Victor Frankle was a prisoner in a Nazi concentration camp and shares his experience of finding the untouchable inner part of himself in that horrific situation. I read this book during the aftermath of a major hurricane and it shifted my perspective instantly. As much as I wanted to feel sorry for myself and be stressed out, this book jerked me back into feeling grateful that we had all survived, it was over, and even without the power back on, all we had to do was clean up the mess. Suddenly I felt a bit better because my perspective had changed, not the situation. Instead of depleting my body during clean up the shift in my nervous system made the same task a healthy workout.
My new website is up and running. So now when you look for www.wexfordfarm.com or my other address www.kirstennelsen.com it will take you to a single landing page that opens up into the Member Vault platform. You DO NOT have to log in or sign in to see all the different things I offer.
I am doing away with my old website as it is just getting harder to manage. The new site is really streamlined, with easy to find graphics for all the different things I teach - both free stuff and stuff for sale. You can find the links to my YouTube and Substack channels, links to the podcast Horse Geeks and even find my current Clinic schedule under the link for In Person Clinics with the options to sign up or contact the area coordinator to join in.
I love the new simplified site and how easy it is to find everything I do. I hope you like it as well.
https://kirstenwexfordtraining.mvsite.app/
To join a scheduled clinic, please contact the coordinator directly. To book a clinic, please contact me directly at kirsten.wexford@gmail.com
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Baltimore, Maryland
June 27-28
August 15-16
October 17-18
Coordinator: Ginny 443-250-8017 or hqueen13@gmail.com
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