November 2025
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Wexford Training Newsletter
Finding Balance from the Inside Out
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Dear Friends,
Seasonal changes always make me think about changes in general. The cocoon photos included were a reminder that some changes are just inevitable while other changes require choice and action. How we go through changes, expected or unexpected, consciously chosen or guided intuitively, is not only an important part of life, it becomes part of our self-perception.
Enjoy!
Kirsten
kirsten.wexford@gmail.com
P.S.
As a subscriber, please feel free to share this or any of my newsletters with other horse lovers! If you have not signed up yet, just click the link to get on the mailing list: https://kirstennelsen.com/#newsletter
"Maybe who we are isn't so much about what we do,
but rather what we're capable of when we least expect it”
- Jodi Picoult
Changing Through the Path of Least Resistance
Horses, like life, have a way of causing us to make changes that we had not planned on making. When horses quit cooperating with us or begin acting out in unsafe ways, we know a change is needed but look around for something on the outside first. We usually look at how we can change a horse, other people or even the world instead of ourself.
Changing something about ourselves is a scary proposition, always a last resort. In order to change something internally we have to step into the unfamiliar, even if we deeply desire the change. It feels like groping our way in the dark, surrendering rather than doing. Our nervous systems are hard wired to stick with things that are familiar regarding who we think we are in order to feel safe. Even if we don’t like something we do or feel stuck, familiar thoughts, emotions or ways of doing things equals safety. Our entire nervous system naturally resists changes that we do have control over, which is why willpower often fails.
Somewhere between have-to and want-to changes are initiated anyway. As soon as we are in the thick of it we feel a strong craving to stop, repeat old habits or retreat back into familiar patterns. This is our body’s survival instinct, a part of us that is highly skeptical of anything new, different or unfamiliar. The normal response to this resistance in our nervous system is frustration, often causing us to double down or try even harder. The doubling down is what gets us stuck and the harder we try to force changes the more we send our nervous system into red alert.
As humans our highly evolved brains are super computers, but our bodies are more like animals with a very different type of intelligence. Our bodies respond to new, unfamiliar things the same way a horse responds to getting in a trailer for the first time. Changes are not to be trusted, might not be safe, until proven otherwise. The key to making any change, or getting a horse to trailer load safely, is gently proving to our nervous system that the change is safe. This requires showing up, making small steps and gentle, patient repetition.
The things that currently feel safe and familiar to our nervous system became that way through repetition. The way to integrate changes, making something new feel safe and familiar to our nervous system, is also through repetition. If we want a change to happen sooner, then we need more reps, not force, stress or willpower. With each repetition our nervous system calms and our body trains our brain to accept the change as a new part of who we are.
When we work through changes with compassion for ourself, give our nervous system time to calm down and focus on easy repetitions, changes happen so intrinsically that we can even fail to notice the integration. The change feels natural, easy, as if it was always that way. We have a type of amnesia regarding the change and have to remember a time when we did not or could not do this thing before.
What we do on a daily basis, or with our horses in day to day sessions, has more influence on our self-perception than anything outside that happens to us, even those dramatic moments. We see people and horses respond very differently to the same set of circumstances all the time. Responses come from the inside out. If we want to change our response or even change external circumstances, then the change first has to feel safe to our entire body and mind and become familiar in daily life.
There seems to be a mental barrier with riders regarding remote lessons. After doing remote lessons on zoom meetings for several years now the feedback I get from students is how helpful they are. While in-person lessons provide one type of instruction, the remote lessons provide a very different type of instruction that can be more helpful in some ways. I think it helps to be the observer while digesting new information instead of also having to manage your horse at the same time. Viewing videos together helps all of see ourselves in a new way, see our unconscious habits.
The way remote lessons work is through video clips. You can take a short video of any issue you are having or just a normal training day, and 10-20 minutes is plenty. Video does not go through email so it does need to be uploaded to a video platform. There are lots of free options like google drive, iCloud, YouTube or Vimeo. You can contact me directly through email or text to set up a time, send me the video link via email and we meet on a zoom meeting where we review the video together and do the lesson.
I offer a FREE intro remote lesson to any new clients, called a Power Hour, that can be booked on my website or with me directly.
https://kirstennelsen.com/product/power-hour-free-introductory-remote-lesson/
I offer single lessons, no strings attached, for you to use as needed and I offer a discount for a package of three remote lessons booked at the same time.
https://kirstennelsen.com/product/coaching-on-demand-video-sessions/
If you have not tried one before, then I encourage you to check it out!
I also wanted to repeat that there is one more weekend for the The Art of the Horseman Online Horse Fair this year. I will keep including the free ticket link for you to use and share. Although you are getting my video submissions directly when signing up for the newsletter, there are many other presenters that you might find interesting. The last date is...
December 6 - 7
FREE TICKETS: https://www.becauseofthehorse.net/a/23333/a2zsSgDH
Please feel free to share this link as much as you like!
To join a scheduled clinic, please contact the coordinator directly. To book a clinic, please contact me directly at kirsten.wexford@gmail.com
To find an area coordinator near you and help organize a clinic, please see my list of area coordinators https://kirstennelsen.com/clinic-coordinators/
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Lake Wales, Florida
February 7-8
Coordinator: Nancy 863-528-2570
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