August 2026

Wexford Training Newsletter Finding Balance from the Inside Out

Dear Friends,

I hope this day finds you well. The newsletter is a little late this month because life got in the way. Helping my aging parents is both a gift and a little stressful. When their apartment at the assisted living facility got water damage, my sister and I moved them back home until the apartment is repaired. It has just taken a bit more time out of my schedule to help them at home, but I am grateful to have the time with them too.
​Kirsten
​kirsten.wexford@gmail.com

P.S.
​As a subscriber, please share the newsletters with other horse lovers! If you are not signed up, click the link below and receive a free four part video series to get you started with your horse.

​https://kirstenwexfordtraining.mvsite.app/products/courses/view/1048890​

“Love isn’t a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like ‘struggle’.”
- Fred Rogers

Enjoyment and Happiness

Psychologist Chase Hughs has an interesting channel on YouTube. Chase specializes in “behavioral mechanics” which I did not even realize was a thing, but makes sense since we all share the same nervous system. Chase talks a lot about how dopamine is produced and affects our brains, why social media can become so addictive, on purpose. He also discusses the difference between doing what we enjoy compared to doing what makes us happy, and the effect that has on our bodies. This last part is what I found most interesting.

It is a really simple but interesting exercise to sort through things. Chase Hughs recommends making two lists. Draw a line down the center of a piece of paper and on the left column is the heading “Things I enjoy.” On the right column is the heading “Things that make me happy.” Then make your two lists, and notice how much time you actually spend in each column, of course after all the ‘have to” things are done.

Most people have a long list of things they enjoy, on the left side, but a very short list of things that make them happy, on the right side. So interesting. The list of enjoyments fills up faster and tends to include things that are quick and easy to do. The list of happiness fills up slower and even takes more consideration to make that list. The things that make us happy also tend to include things that are more involved, take longer, are slower, or require more focus.

What we enjoy doing are those things that provide a quick dopamine hit. We feel relief, soothed, distracted from problems or a bit calmer almost instantly. But the dopamine hit does not last long, so we have to keep repeating the thing. This is how we get caught up in scrolling, binging, or overwhelm. Spending a lot of time on things we enjoy, that don’t actually belong in the happiness column, never really supports our body or mind.

What makes us happy are those things that actually do support our mind and body. The things we do that make us happy are connected to what we love, what feeds our soul and feels refreshing rather than depleting. We joyfully wrestle through challenges because love is a constant motivator to try again, continue. Even if we are a little physically tired from doing things that make us happy, we feel content. Spending time on things we love puts our nervous system in a deep state of relaxation that supports our long term health.

Dopamine hits give us quick high, momentarily. Happiness gives us a settled, stable state of being. The more we are finding relief through dopamine hits, the more foggy we feel or anxious about time. The more we spend time on things in the happiness column, the more clarity we feel or adaptable to situations.

Our awareness decreases when we keep seeking the dopamine hit, our focus narrows, so we get sucked into trends, other people’s opinions or algorithms. A lot of content creators know this and how to play the algorithm game, thickening the fog and stealing our attention, our time. If this is what we have been doing in order to relax, it can result in feelings of frustration, stagnation or confusion.

Our awareness increases when we do things that actually make us happy, our focus expands and we simply see more options. It can feel like a luxury to spend time on things that make us happy. We all have so many responsibilities, a long list of have-to-do that comes before enjoyment or happiness. But we can get more stuck, live with low grade stress, anxiety or tension, because we put off those things that really do refresh our body and mind.

Just making this simple list for myself helped. First I realized how often my body was actually tightening while I thought I was doing things I enjoyed. Ahhhh, that’s the dopamine hit. That’s the difference. The temporary feeling of relief is more mental than physical. I only have a few items in my happiness column but I noticed a theme of animals and plants. Without much ambition, I decided to test out this theory Chase was sharing. The first thing I found doing things in my happiness column was that my entire body relaxed and my mind quieted down, even with physical exertion.

The list led to small changes, little decisions throughout my day. But I do have to say that the small changes have helped my internal state a great deal. I decided to look at my phone less and appreciate my beautiful farm and animals more, even while I am getting my have-to-do list done at the same time. I changed my focus from seeing all the repairs needed towards gratitude for all the things that are still working just fine. I started to notice small opportunities to work on those things that make me happy, even if only for 10 minutes today. Changes in plans became opportunities, gifted time, instead of frustrating or throwing me off track.

It is hard to describe how focusing on things in the happiness column affected my state of being, but it definitely feels better. Instead of being completely depleted by stressful situations, I am managing them at a steady pace and adjusting to the unexpected one step at a time. I sleep just fine and remember to take my vitamins.

I loved how this simple exercise helped me and I hope it helps you as well. Defining the difference between enjoyment, dopamine hits, and real happiness that feels fulfilling was not something I ever considered. The great part of social media is learning new, authentically helpful information. I understand a little bit better that managing the other parts of social media is really up to me. My attention is the currency.

The weekly meetings that we do in the Wexford Student Group have been an anchor for me. We meet every Monday on Zoom from 12-1 pm EST, even on holidays. Not every group member can make the meeting, so it is recorded, stored in a group module and the replay link is emailed to everyone later the same day. The group is for people who want regular coaching, mentorship, while working through the core concepts of Training for Optimal Balance. I love this group! It is definitely in my happiness column to help empower people with the knowledge they need to transform their own horses.

Every meeting is different because it begins with an open question format. I always have some video or interesting thing to share in case no one has questions or updates, but our meetings just revolve around the needs of members. I also love the sharing of successes or problems because each group member contributes to the learning for all. I also find that the meetings have been more valuable than the local weekly lessons that used to fill my calendar. In the meetings we discuss ideas, look at examples without judgement and ponder the root causes or how to make changes for the better. When people don’t have to manage a horse at the same time, the information seems to stick a little better. Trying to apply ideas to their horses later also integrates the learning deeper than having an instructor in the arena.

If you are interested in the Wexford Student Group, then this link has all the information you need and a few examples of the meetings if you want to check them out.

​https://kirstenwexfordtraining.mvsite.app/products/courses/view/1065173​

To join a scheduled clinic, please contact the coordinator directly. To book a clinic, please contact me directly at kirsten.wexford@gmail.com

Vero Beach, Florida August 22 Coordinator: Spring 772-538-5208 or springrides@gmail.com

Culpepper, Virginia August 15 Coordinator: Deb 540-718-4083 or atmydreamnow@gmail.com​

Baltimore, Maryland August 16 October 17-18 Coordinator: Ginny 443-250-8017 or hqueen13@gmail.com

“In all things of nature there is something of the marvelous”
- Aristotle

Horses caused me to see things differently, repeatedly blasting away preconceived notions and expectations. The funny thing is, none of us are aware of being biased, limited or prejudiced until it is unexpectedly pointed out, with or without words. Unconscious belief patterns remain until people or horses surprise us.

When I first met John Strong I instantly assumed he was just the caretaker of the property because he was old and a bit hunched over, at least old to my 20-something eyes. He was also clearly a cowboy, but without the strength or stance anymore.

I was already skeptical of cowboys in general, seeing horse’s spirits literally broken by them. This cowboy seemed harmless now, too old to even ride a horse from the look of things. For my trial ride on Carrigan I felt like it took forever to tack him up. I instinctively grabbed the only English saddle in the tack room, and John said he only had western bridles. I helped tack up because John moved so slowly and I didn’t want him to strain himself.

I finally got on and rode around the gravel courtyard, a large square area in the middle of the U-shaped buildings. There was plenty of room to walk and trot around and Carrigan was lovely to ride, with a trot that felt familiar again. John approved of my ride and commented on how much he liked the loose rein I used. I was invited to come ride Carrigan whenever I could.

John introduced me to his friend Terry, who kept his horse Beau at the ranch, and we made arrangements to ride out together. On the day of the ride I was a bit nervous with a trail ride in our plans. We rode around the barn a bit then headed out towards the wooded area and up a hill. The farther we got from the barn, the more Carrigan started looking around, increasing anxiety and jigging. I just kept breathing, not wanting to show how much my anxiety was rising with the expectation of a bolt coming soon. I stuck Carrigan’s nose in Beau’s tail and was thankful there was a calm, reliable horse to follow. Terry just chatted away, asking me questions and pointing out things on the ranch. My head was busy on the inside, my heart pounding a little but I managed to keep things together.

We came to a fence line with a makeshift gate. The “gate” was just a cut in the wire fence line, with the fence held back together by large twisted wires. This was not the kind of gate we could open horseback. Terry stepped off his horse Beau while I stayed on Carrigan. I was busy managing Carrigan’s nervousness wondering how I was going to hold Beau at the same time. Instead of handing me his reins, Terry wrapped his reins around the saddle horn and just walked away from Beau to go wrestle with the gate. Beau just stood there, eating the grass he could reach with the reins dallied around the saddle horn.

It took a few minutes of Beau calmly hanging out for me and Carrigan to slowly settle down. I was distracted from my anxiety by watching Beau. I was amazed that while Terry turned his back, walked at least 12-15 feet away and spent several minutes untying the gate and swinging it open, Beau just hung out and wasn’t even bothered by my horse’s anxiousness, or mine. Terry led Beau through the gate and did the same thing on the other side, just walked away from Beau while he got the gate fastened up again. Then he swung up on Beau and we continued our ride.

I was so impressed by Terry and Beau. Terry’s easy manner and the very laid back Beau shook my assumptions. Even I calmed down and Carrigan along with me. I was now more curious than anxious and all I could ask was, “How long have you been riding Terry?” “Well,” he said, “maybe a couple of years.” My head exploded. What??? I thought, how is that possible? “So, how old is Beau?” I asked, thinking he must be 20 and had years of training. “He’s a little over 3. John helped me start him under saddle. We did groundwork while he was 2, then just this year John helped me get him going.” I was suddenly confused. How was it possible that Terry only had a few years of riding experience, helped start a young horse and was now riding a safe, easy trail horse within the same year the horse was started under saddle?

While my mind reeled, I admitted to Terry, “I didn’t know that John even worked with the horses. I assumed he was a bit too old.” “Oh no” Terry said, “John is amazing with horses and he walked me through the whole process. I really did not know what I was doing. We started easy and the first rides in the round pen all went really smoothly.”

Terry went on to explain that John was a friend from work and after Terry divorced his wife, who was an avid rider, John had encouraged him to take up riding and offered to help him. John even had a young horse he thought would be a good match for Terry, named Beau Jest. Terry now loved riding, Beau was a fantastic horse and we made arrangements to meet again and continue riding together.

I was stunned after this first ride with Terry. I was confused, surprised by what I saw and heard. Suddenly I did not know what to think of John and was privately embarrassed by my assumptions. I realized not all cowboys are the same, realizing my own prejudice in hindsight. And I wondered, how is it that such a young horse with so little training could be that reliable. Why have I never seen that before?